Stress

Stress is the root of ALL Evil. My job has been in the process of fiscal year end, which to most sounds easy, but we are talking BILLIONS of dollars. So It's not so easy. I was chosen to work on this spreadsheet of all incoming invoices so we can keep up with everything...This goes from me to Gerald, To Carol, To Elouise, To Brenda, To Jerry Berry...it is working itself up the ladder. Am I getting anything other than my paycheck, NO! (I am grateful for the paycheck don't get me wrong) but there are people who have been in my posistion for over 4 years they could do what I'm doing, yet I was chosen, I'm not really sure why...is it because of their lazyness or because of my awesome excel skills (ask someone if you don't know me). I don't really know. But I am completly stressed out...gaining a few more grey hairs (it's all good). I'm trying to grasp the procedures and constant changes, I'm making it.

On top of all my work related stress EVERYTHING has hit this month, my first house payment, my first car payment, Jacob's classic soccer dues, Sales tax for the new car, The day care bill, My auto insurance (Every 6 mo.), I've just been hit hard when it comes to the pocketbooks, and YES I am thankful I had the money to pay everything I've had to pay, but NO I'm not happy when I do it. It's emotionally draining and stressful. Then add in some more stress with this team manager job (which Adam is doing). Possibly a new board posistion (it's all BIG GIRL STUFF- and I don't want to grow up sometimes).

Last week Craig preached on money and it was probably the best message I could've heard at the time but I don't know HOW I can apply it other than not being upset when I spend $ because; I am a hoarder, I budget, I'm fiscally smart, I've got the money to pay "issues" when things happen, but I'm not liking the having to pay it. I need an attitude adjustment. AND I want my kids and husband to be along with me on this journey and to not make me feel like the bad guy, everytime they ask for something and I deny it. I also need to scrape in some me time into the schedule, my working out helps (believe me) and I have decided to start training again for the LR 1/2 marathon which starts in August - Race in March. I decided I will treat myself to a day off (NO KIDS) massage, lunch with friends, and relaxation. Will see how that goes, but it's a MONTH away. I always feel guilty for spending money on me, when Adam and the kids spend money on them all the time, it's just hard for me too.


The added stress of a certain baby in the mix brought up tons of emotions I didn't think I still had, and I'm not really sure what to do with these feelings other than compress them in a tiny ball and shove them down deep. I tried to get them out with Adam and it just didn't help considering the fact that I reminded him of him being absent for two of our the three kids births...and the two absences were by my doing, it was just leading to a place of disagreement I didn't want to go to, so I dropped it, Plus I was very mean and it wasn't nice to continue. Until today at lunch with my mommy...Mammy to the rescue, Thank God for her! I just let it out and feel much much better. Time to start fresh since I got the junk out of me.


Exhausted, Happy, Proud, Sad... I need those of you who pray to please pray for peace, wisdom, & discernment...I need to figure things out. Much love and My tears are dry now!