Stress is the root of ALL Evil. My job has been in the process of fiscal year end, which to most sounds easy, but we are talking BILLIONS of dollars. So It's not so easy. I was chosen to work on this spreadsheet of all incoming invoices so we can keep up with everything...This goes from me to Gerald, To Carol, To Elouise, To Brenda, To Jerry Berry...it is working itself up the ladder. Am I getting anything other than my paycheck, NO! (I am grateful for the paycheck don't get me wrong) but there are people who have been in my posistion for over 4 years they could do what I'm doing, yet I was chosen, I'm not really sure why...is it because of their lazyness or because of my awesome excel skills (ask someone if you don't know me). I don't really know. But I am completly stressed out...gaining a few more grey hairs (it's all good). I'm trying to grasp the procedures and constant changes, I'm making it.
On top of all my work related stress EVERYTHING has hit this month, my first house payment, my first car payment, Jacob's classic soccer dues, Sales tax for the new car, The day care bill, My auto insurance (Every 6 mo.), I've just been hit hard when it comes to the pocketbooks, and YES I am thankful I had the money to pay everything I've had to pay, but NO I'm not happy when I do it. It's emotionally draining and stressful. Then add in some more stress with this team manager job (which Adam is doing). Possibly a new board posistion (it's all BIG GIRL STUFF- and I don't want to grow up sometimes).
Last week Craig preached on money and it was probably the best message I could've heard at the time but I don't know HOW I can apply it other than not being upset when I spend $ because; I am a hoarder, I budget, I'm fiscally smart, I've got the money to pay "issues" when things happen, but I'm not liking the having to pay it. I need an attitude adjustment. AND I want my kids and husband to be along with me on this journey and to not make me feel like the bad guy, everytime they ask for something and I deny it. I also need to scrape in some me time into the schedule, my working out helps (believe me) and I have decided to start training again for the LR 1/2 marathon which starts in August - Race in March. I decided I will treat myself to a day off (NO KIDS) massage, lunch with friends, and relaxation. Will see how that goes, but it's a MONTH away. I always feel guilty for spending money on me, when Adam and the kids spend money on them all the time, it's just hard for me too.
The added stress of a certain baby in the mix brought up tons of emotions I didn't think I still had, and I'm not really sure what to do with these feelings other than compress them in a tiny ball and shove them down deep. I tried to get them out with Adam and it just didn't help considering the fact that I reminded him of him being absent for two of our the three kids births...and the two absences were by my doing, it was just leading to a place of disagreement I didn't want to go to, so I dropped it, Plus I was very mean and it wasn't nice to continue. Until today at lunch with my mommy...Mammy to the rescue, Thank God for her! I just let it out and feel much much better. Time to start fresh since I got the junk out of me.
Exhausted, Happy, Proud, Sad... I need those of you who pray to please pray for peace, wisdom, & discernment...I need to figure things out. Much love and My tears are dry now!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Commanding
So the Suburban has been broke for a WHILE now...and I'm tired of the unreliable transportation. Although it couldn't have happend at a better time (trying to see the positive in all of this). Soccer was done and that ment we could be a one car family for a while. Adam and I have had great conversations on our way to and from work without the kids around. Plus having the Suburban with no car note we were able to pay off A LOT of bills the past year. So Sally (The Suburabn) has had it's season with us and now it's time to let go and head down the path of another car note...Not much fun, but we are blessed by God to have the resources to take care of our family and be able to provide two reliable means of transportation. So here it is, here is our new ride.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
60 days over
Well I knew this 60/60 thing would last a full 60 days. (See previous post holstedboyz.blogspot.com/2009/04/6060.html) So about 40 days into this experiment I was hooked. I was a much happier person and enjoyed people. BUT, I was tired of seeing God every hour in my outlook calendar. I was confused because I couldn't find where I was supposed to go, what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to pick up, etc. It was just terribly hard for me to see all of these things cluttering my schedule. We ALL know I hate clutter and want; clean, easy to read instructions, and this was just craziness.
Putting God in my to do list was like putting my spouse in my to do list (sorry If I offend anyone). But, I was still determined to keep my meeting time with God. I know that sounds selfish to everyone, BUT I did it. I deleted my reminders and was still able to keep my 60/60 commitment. Actually towards the end of this plan I found myself calling on him much more often than every 60 minutes. It was insane.
YOU DO NOT have to PUT God into your schedule books, HE will meet you in the best and worst of times without a "TIME FRAME". You just have to be OPEN to HIM when he is knocking, awaiting your attention. That is what I have learned from this entire experience. YES! I will continue to meet with God every time; I stress, come across a difficult person, when I want to help someone, when my thoughts stray from what is pure, & when I just want to chat with my heavenly Father about what I am feeling or struggling with or even what I'm so thankful for...I will meet with him (and yes it is usually more often than every 60 minutes.
We are sinful people...By the Grace of God we are saved and that is an amazing gift. I am proud to say, I passed this challenge. But I am EXTREMELY Pleased to have grown in my journey with Christ to know that he is there always and wants to do life with me, not just when I call out to him for help. But Always. He is Always there for me no matter what. How cool to have someone love you through thick and thin without me having to produce something. This is true unconditional love I have found.
Putting God in my to do list was like putting my spouse in my to do list (sorry If I offend anyone). But, I was still determined to keep my meeting time with God. I know that sounds selfish to everyone, BUT I did it. I deleted my reminders and was still able to keep my 60/60 commitment. Actually towards the end of this plan I found myself calling on him much more often than every 60 minutes. It was insane.
YOU DO NOT have to PUT God into your schedule books, HE will meet you in the best and worst of times without a "TIME FRAME". You just have to be OPEN to HIM when he is knocking, awaiting your attention. That is what I have learned from this entire experience. YES! I will continue to meet with God every time; I stress, come across a difficult person, when I want to help someone, when my thoughts stray from what is pure, & when I just want to chat with my heavenly Father about what I am feeling or struggling with or even what I'm so thankful for...I will meet with him (and yes it is usually more often than every 60 minutes.
We are sinful people...By the Grace of God we are saved and that is an amazing gift. I am proud to say, I passed this challenge. But I am EXTREMELY Pleased to have grown in my journey with Christ to know that he is there always and wants to do life with me, not just when I call out to him for help. But Always. He is Always there for me no matter what. How cool to have someone love you through thick and thin without me having to produce something. This is true unconditional love I have found.
Monday, June 8, 2009
25 Years!!!
This past weekend our church, Fellowship North, celebrated its 25th anniversary. Of course every year we have a fun celebration with friends and family. We have food and sporting events and swimming. It was a fun time. BUT THIS YEAR WAS DIFFERENT…
Saturday We went to watch Jeff K & Ted play tennis and they won, thanks to the fans cheering section and maybe the opponent’s injury. But it was a good time, we all headed over to our home, ate together 6 adults and 7 children. The girls went swim suit shopping and the boys went to the K’s for a WII night. It is so good to have friends who have the same values as you and who will uphold Gods law when you stray.
Adam and I participated in a drama during the service (which I cried both times) It was very moving. We were asked to do cardboard testimonies. Some people did their coming to Christ testimony, how they’ve withstood destruction in their lives, how they have overcome hardships, it was very moving. Adam and I decided to leave it very vague, hoping it would touch more people. Because not everyone has had a child out of wed lock, not everyone was married as a teenager and is still together 10 years later, not everyone has had hardship thrown in their face in the form of a child who has undergone 3 surgeries, or a spouse with multiple health issues. So we went the VAGUE route…Leaving it simply
BEFORE ---------------------- AFTER
I DOUBT ---------------------- Still God Provides
I WORRY ---------------------- With God I have Peace
PEACE and PROVISIONS are Huge things for us. When we are stressed we can pray, talk it out and calm down the emotions knowing that in the big scheme of things – what we are going through doesn’t really matter…It will build our character, so we should learn from our experiences, but not continue to harp on the downtimes. God has provided for us from the first day we were married; through jobs, multiple kids, depression, chronic pain, surgeries, etc.…He has provided not only monetary means but he has provided us with Love and Respect when I doubted we would have these things.
Some of the best cardboard testimonies for me I wanted to share with you.
BEFORE ---------------------------- AFTER
Divorced Family, Absent father ---------------------- Found a Father in God
Controlling ---------------------- Trusting (a work in progress)
2 Divorces, remarriage, his / her kids ---------------------- 33 years together and 8 + grandkids
03’ Dad Died, Angry Bitter ---------------------- Growing in Christ- Saving Grace
Partying, Drinking, Playing in the clubs ---------------------- Praying, Worshiping, Playing for HIM.
Never Good Enough ---------------------- Love without Reason
These are just a few as there were MANY MANY more…
Adam and I signed up for 3v3 soccer. It was a good experience. Adam told me “Don’t let your true colors shine, or I will quit the game” Basically he didn’t want me to get too competitive. Which I agreed to…So we started the first game and we were doing really well 4-2 at half time we were losing, but it wasn’t about winning or losing really…By the end of the first game we were beat 7-5…Oh well. It was an odd feeling to be running around playing soccer and then inhale burger smell…not too good for the stomach, but after we started the 2nd game (which was with our family friends the Riley kids) youngest one is 17 years old. My stomach had settled and we were able to play 4 v 4 and let Kobie play with us and have all four of their family members out as well; Zach, Hanes, Erin, and Camden. We had a blast we tied 9-9 and went to a shoot out, of course I buckled under pressure, but so did two of the Riley kids, and we won. I’m sure had we been playing competitively the Riley kids would’ve taken us hands down, but we were having fun!!!
I was pleasantly surprised to see some spectators for soccer who didn’t really know us personally, it was great!
Baptisms in the YMCA Pool was great! The testimonies were awesome and it was very moving. Burgers and the BEST mustard potato salad (I do not like the mayo potato salad- YUCK! And that’s usually what they have…and they did but they had the mustard and I was so pumped). My kids screamed “YES!!! Pasta salad” which made everyone laugh. After I ate I was so dang exhausted from the sun and running…I laid down on the lawn and passed out. LITERALLY! I was like an elderly man in a recliner – close my eyes and I’m out. My husband woke me up shortly after SB had taken a picture of me snoozing. It was a good power nap; I wasn’t sure I’d make it to the car I was so sleepy.
All and all it was a fabulous time and we had a lot of fun hanging out with our friends and making new friends.
Saturday We went to watch Jeff K & Ted play tennis and they won, thanks to the fans cheering section and maybe the opponent’s injury. But it was a good time, we all headed over to our home, ate together 6 adults and 7 children. The girls went swim suit shopping and the boys went to the K’s for a WII night. It is so good to have friends who have the same values as you and who will uphold Gods law when you stray.
Adam and I participated in a drama during the service (which I cried both times) It was very moving. We were asked to do cardboard testimonies. Some people did their coming to Christ testimony, how they’ve withstood destruction in their lives, how they have overcome hardships, it was very moving. Adam and I decided to leave it very vague, hoping it would touch more people. Because not everyone has had a child out of wed lock, not everyone was married as a teenager and is still together 10 years later, not everyone has had hardship thrown in their face in the form of a child who has undergone 3 surgeries, or a spouse with multiple health issues. So we went the VAGUE route…Leaving it simply
BEFORE ---------------------- AFTER
I DOUBT ---------------------- Still God Provides
I WORRY ---------------------- With God I have Peace
PEACE and PROVISIONS are Huge things for us. When we are stressed we can pray, talk it out and calm down the emotions knowing that in the big scheme of things – what we are going through doesn’t really matter…It will build our character, so we should learn from our experiences, but not continue to harp on the downtimes. God has provided for us from the first day we were married; through jobs, multiple kids, depression, chronic pain, surgeries, etc.…He has provided not only monetary means but he has provided us with Love and Respect when I doubted we would have these things.
Some of the best cardboard testimonies for me I wanted to share with you.
BEFORE ---------------------------- AFTER
Divorced Family, Absent father ---------------------- Found a Father in God
Controlling ---------------------- Trusting (a work in progress)
2 Divorces, remarriage, his / her kids ---------------------- 33 years together and 8 + grandkids
03’ Dad Died, Angry Bitter ---------------------- Growing in Christ- Saving Grace
Partying, Drinking, Playing in the clubs ---------------------- Praying, Worshiping, Playing for HIM.
Never Good Enough ---------------------- Love without Reason
These are just a few as there were MANY MANY more…
Adam and I signed up for 3v3 soccer. It was a good experience. Adam told me “Don’t let your true colors shine, or I will quit the game” Basically he didn’t want me to get too competitive. Which I agreed to…So we started the first game and we were doing really well 4-2 at half time we were losing, but it wasn’t about winning or losing really…By the end of the first game we were beat 7-5…Oh well. It was an odd feeling to be running around playing soccer and then inhale burger smell…not too good for the stomach, but after we started the 2nd game (which was with our family friends the Riley kids) youngest one is 17 years old. My stomach had settled and we were able to play 4 v 4 and let Kobie play with us and have all four of their family members out as well; Zach, Hanes, Erin, and Camden. We had a blast we tied 9-9 and went to a shoot out, of course I buckled under pressure, but so did two of the Riley kids, and we won. I’m sure had we been playing competitively the Riley kids would’ve taken us hands down, but we were having fun!!!
I was pleasantly surprised to see some spectators for soccer who didn’t really know us personally, it was great!
Baptisms in the YMCA Pool was great! The testimonies were awesome and it was very moving. Burgers and the BEST mustard potato salad (I do not like the mayo potato salad- YUCK! And that’s usually what they have…and they did but they had the mustard and I was so pumped). My kids screamed “YES!!! Pasta salad” which made everyone laugh. After I ate I was so dang exhausted from the sun and running…I laid down on the lawn and passed out. LITERALLY! I was like an elderly man in a recliner – close my eyes and I’m out. My husband woke me up shortly after SB had taken a picture of me snoozing. It was a good power nap; I wasn’t sure I’d make it to the car I was so sleepy.
All and all it was a fabulous time and we had a lot of fun hanging out with our friends and making new friends.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Crazy Schedules
This week has been hectic from an extra day off that has taken a bit to recover from; to fun filled activities for the boys.
Dylan has been to the governor's mansion.
Kobie & Jacob have gone to Funland.
Kobie is still rockin' out on the guitar (Bass) he has played Johnny Cash to Van Morrison. It makes me smile because he enjoys something so much.
Jacob has started his classic tryouts (soccer) his number is 911...his friends have told him, "worst number ever dude". BY THE WAY JUST IN>>>HE made it!!!
Jacob was awarded lunch bunch for Trustworthiness, not sure how I feel about that. Dylan had Contemplation the prior month and that was dead on. Kobie was compassion a few months ago and that is dead on.
Dinner at Mammy's (with my brothers- whom I still enjoy hanging out with).
Field Day & Follies was on Friday and this is the first one I have missed...I'm saving my vacation time for Disney World...So I have to choose my priorities.
I have had a birthday party at work for May birthday's, turns out it was just one person "the boss lady", so we had a huge potluck.
Dinner with the Louisiana family members Friday night @ Granny C's.
Setting up for Papaw's 80th birthday on Saturday, and then having the party that night.
Sunday we had Church and then the soccer teams end of year swim party in Roland.
Dinner with Community Group Monday Night...Adam and I got a ton of errands done afterwards.
This week has not slowed down and yet we are not traveling??? What is wrong with this picture?
The last day of school in Thursday- I wonder why I thought it was Wednesday???. I am excited for the boys to attend Summer Camp and spend a few weeks with DoDo and ChooChoo.
Wishing you all the best and have a safe and happy summer.
Dylan has been to the governor's mansion.
Kobie & Jacob have gone to Funland.
Kobie is still rockin' out on the guitar (Bass) he has played Johnny Cash to Van Morrison. It makes me smile because he enjoys something so much.
Jacob has started his classic tryouts (soccer) his number is 911...his friends have told him, "worst number ever dude". BY THE WAY JUST IN>>>HE made it!!!
Jacob was awarded lunch bunch for Trustworthiness, not sure how I feel about that. Dylan had Contemplation the prior month and that was dead on. Kobie was compassion a few months ago and that is dead on.
Dinner at Mammy's (with my brothers- whom I still enjoy hanging out with).
Field Day & Follies was on Friday and this is the first one I have missed...I'm saving my vacation time for Disney World...So I have to choose my priorities.
I have had a birthday party at work for May birthday's, turns out it was just one person "the boss lady", so we had a huge potluck.
Dinner with the Louisiana family members Friday night @ Granny C's.
Setting up for Papaw's 80th birthday on Saturday, and then having the party that night.
Sunday we had Church and then the soccer teams end of year swim party in Roland.
Dinner with Community Group Monday Night...Adam and I got a ton of errands done afterwards.
This week has not slowed down and yet we are not traveling??? What is wrong with this picture?
The last day of school in Thursday- I wonder why I thought it was Wednesday???. I am excited for the boys to attend Summer Camp and spend a few weeks with DoDo and ChooChoo.
Wishing you all the best and have a safe and happy summer.
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